The Art of Effective Parenting

The citizens of the next generations will be molded by three factors: parenting, education and media. When these three fail to develop the values and character of children and youth, then we cannot expect our world to improve in terms of peace and harmony.

Parenting potentially is the most powerful influence in the life of an individual. When it fails, however, then the other two will become the dominant influences in their growing up process, whether for good or for ill.

How can parents be effective in molding children to become well-adjusted, responsible, ethical and happy?

1. Express your love to your children. This is the most powerful factor in influencing our children. Please note that it is not just to love your children but to let the children feel your love. Learn about the five languages of love: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, touching, and gift-giving. Among these, quality time is the most important. Spend time together where you both enjoy, whether it is a chat, doing homework, shopping, or other activities. Love needs to be expressed otherwise it cannot be felt by the other person. Whenever you encounter your children, try to be positive most of the time. Do not criticize, scold or reprimand more than five percent of the time. If you are positive and criticize rarely, then your reprimand will be more effective.

2. Be firm and consistent in your house rules. Love should be accompanied by firmness. If there is no firmness, a loving parent will spoil the child. Be prepared to say “no” when a request or a behavior is unwholesome. They will not be resentful if they feel your love. But if they don’t feel your love, they will resent your “no” and begin to be rebellious.

3. Do not do what you do not like to see in your children. Children and youth copy the elders. When parents shout, curse, smoke, drink or are violent, they tend to do the same things, unless they receive contrary examples from other elders. When parents are fearful, insecure or vindictive, the children tend to adopt these same qualities.

4. Never lie to your children. Whenever children discover that their parents lie to them, the parent’s credibility goes down. Then their authority diminishes. This is true even of “white lies.” This is the reason why I do not encourage parents to tell children about Santa Claus as if they are real, with reindeers and gifts. Children will eventually discover the truth about this and the disappointment and doubt may sink deep into their subconscious. Children tend to obey parents whom they trust.

5. Be your child’s first teacher. The future intelligence and competency of your children depend upon their growth process before they go to school. Even while the mother is pregnant, it is very helpful that the parents talk to the baby in the womb and read to him or her. Children who were given such stimuli have been known to be precocious. After they are born, talk to them often. It does not matter if they do not understand yet what you say. What is happening is that you are stimulating the brain of the child and the neural network of the brain becomes more and more complex. This is the basis of intelligence. Answer their questions by being knowledgeable yourself.

6. Do not be too busy that you don’t have time for your children. This is a tragedy of modern life. Money will bring security but not love and happiness. And it is love and happiness that is more important in our lives. Be willing to give up financial advantages or higher pay if it will mean that you will have a happier family.

A happy and loving family is one of the greatest sources of happiness. It can be cultivated through understanding the art and science of marriage and parenting, and taking the effort to prepare oneself to become a worthy and happy father or mother.

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