Anger – Insights on Life

Effects of Words and Thoughts

A Japanese scientist, Dr. Masao Emoto, found that words and thoughts can affect the molecular structure of water. His findings led to other experiments on organic matters which have important implications in the way we should live our lives.

Dr. Emoto put water in test tubes and put different labels on them, such as “I love you,” or “I’ll kill you.” Then he froze the water in minus 25 degrees centigrade freezers. The results were startling. The test tubes with positive labels such as “I love you” formed into ice crystals which had hexagonal shapes like beautiful snow flakes. On the other hand, the test tubes with negative words looked like mud. This experiment was repeated thousands of times with similar results.

Many people then experimented not with water but with living things, such as fruits or cooked rice. I did it myself. I put two bunches of cooked rice into two clean and dry bottles and sealed them tight. On the first one I put the label “Beautiful” while on the other one I wrote “Ugly.” I kept it on our bedroom shelf and I forgot about it for an entire week. Then I when I was looking for a book, I accidentally saw the bottles. I took them down, and saw that in the “Beautiful” bottle, the rice was still the same white clump of rice, but in the “Ugly” bottle, the rice was already half black with mold. After another week, the rice in “Ugly” bottle was almost all black, but the one in the “Beautiful” bottle was still entirely white although it had become pasty. I kept these bottles for a year, and the rice in the “Beautiful” bottle remained white, while the one in the “Ugly” became entirely black.

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I asked students in our school, Golden Link College, to do the same experiment, and they got the same results.

Many years ago, I showed the photo of these bottles during a lecture in Davao, and a young man from Leyte saw it and repeated the experiment but with a twist. He put the label called “Gwapo” or handsome/beautiful, but he sent negative, angry and violent thoughts to it. The other bottle he labeled “Pangit” or ugly, but sent loving, kind and peaceful thoughts. What was the result?

After six months, he happened to be the speaker in a conference in Leyte where I attended. He spoke about his experiment and brought the bottles. The rice in the bottle with “ugly” label was still white. But the one with “beautiful” label was entirely black.

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What does this tell us?

Words and thoughts have powerful effects not only on water but on organic matter, such as rice and fruits. It means that when we constantly think positive thoughts within ourselves, we are affecting not just our feelings but our entire body and our health. A baby’s body is 78% water, while adults have 60%. When we are angry or hateful we are harming ourselves and perhaps people around us.

An American woman was breastfeeding her baby at home when her husband came and talked with her. After a while they started to argue. They became angry and started to shout at each other. They quarreled intensely and the husband walked out and banged the door. The wife felt very furious and bitter. All the while, she was breastfeeding her baby. That evening, the baby turned blue and died.

The mother, while in a state of intense anger, probably produced toxins within her body that went into the milk that the baby was drinking. The baby could not take it.

So we ask ourselves: In our home, do we give negative labels to our children, like “you are lazy,” “irresponsible,” “liar,” etc.? We should realize that those negative words are affecting our children more than we realize. On the other hand, whenever we constantly use positive words towards them, then something is happening to them that nurtures wholesome growth and health.

Whenever we get angry, then, let us remember the experiments of Dr. Emoto. Let us change the way we treat ourselves and people around us. Make the world a better place by thinking and saying positive and affirming words.

Being Effective With People Without Anger

In the previous article, the way to dissipate past accumulated anger through breathing and self-awareness was discussed. A second aspect of this issue is to find a more effective approach in dealing with problems with people without the use of anger.
Anger is not a good or effective habit. When we have problems or conflicts, the best way to approach the issues is through reason and compassion. Not only is the rational approach more effective, but it brings about an inner calm after an issue is resolved. This is the way to approach people issues whether one is a parent, businessperson, teacher, professional, politician, etc. I know of people who are very effective in their work without having to resort to anger. One businessman, for example, who runs two companies which are among the largest in the Philippines, is very effective not only in business (which are profitable) but in personnel management. In the more thirty years that I have observed him very closely, I have never seen him get angry or even irritated. Yet he solves each problem swiftly and effectively through a rational approach.
In Golden Link College, teachers are trained so that they are effective in handling students without having to resort to anger or punishment. There are many parents who have brought their children up in a wholesome way without the use of anger, threats and punishment.
Below are two suggested steps in becoming more effective in dealing with people in situations of conflict.
First is to nurture self-awareness in one’s daily life. Every time that there is a problem, a threat or a crisis, we will notice that the body reacts in tension. Energy surges within which wants to act in an aggressive and violent way. Be aware of this, and feel these physical tensions (chest, head, shoulder, stomach, etc.) as we do deep breathing, and we will notice that they subside after a few minutes. By being constantly aware, this habit to burst in anger will disappear.
Second is to have a effective rational approach in problem solving that will be a substitute to anger. For example, you have a newly hired assistant to do certain task and to report to you regularly. You teach him how to do the task. Tomorrow, he fails to report or makes a mistaken report. No need to get angry. Consider that this failure may be due to inadequate training by you or a misunderstanding of your instruction. Devote a certain time to re-train this assistant and double check if he has understood your instruction by asking him to re-explain the procedure. The next time he reports, he commits the same mistake. If you are sure that your training was adequate, then it means that the assistant has a problem. Tell him that it seems that he is not prepared to do the task that you are asking him to do. Ask him if he has any problem about it. If he says that there is none, and that he promises to be accurate, then tell him that he will be given another chance but that he may have to be transferred or relieved if he makes the same mistake. Later, he makes again the same mistake. Then sit down and discuss with him that he will have to be transferred or he will have to resign because he is finding it difficult to do the task he is assigned to. The assistant will not complain or feel bad because you have been very reasonable and supportive. Then act on his transfer or termination. All these are done without anger or frustration.
Dealing with children is similar. Talk to your child without threat or anger. Explain with kindness and patience. Help them succeed in doing what needs to be done.
A rational and compassionate approach is perhaps the most effective approach to handling people problems, including issues in the family. It requires a clear mind and a firm will. It elicits respect, it is not offensive or degrading and fosters long-term loyalty and a loving relationship.

Managing Anger

Anger is one of the most destructive among human emotions. It creates problems in relationship, especially in the family. It also affects one’s soundness of judgment. It is the cause of most homicidal crimes. It is the emotion that prevents one’s capacity to love.

Many people don’t realize that when they are angry, they cannot love. The reason is simple: what do you want to do to someone whom you are angry with? You want to hurt him or her. It does not matter if the person is your husband, wife, child or parent. You want to hurt them either physically, emotionally or psychologically. How can we love someone whom we want to hurt? At the moment of anger, we are incapable of loving.

This tendency to want to hurt has instinctive roots. Animals feel this surge of aggressive energy throughout its body when it has to defend itself or to attack. We will notice that when we are angry, we too feel an energy surge within us. It is felt in the head as heat. In the body, arms and legs, the energy surge wants to come out, sometimes causing the body to tremble. The arms and hands want to hit something. That’s why some people punch the wall or kick a table because they need to release the energy. When they speak they tend to raise their voice or shout because of the need to express this energy.

Unfortunately, this instinctive reaction, while important for survival among animals, is highly destructive in human beings. It prevents us from being rational in the way we handle conflicts and problems. By being aggressive, we create more conflicts and problems in our family, workplace and relationships. It also harms our health because anger produces toxic substances within our system that lowers our immune system.

How do we handle this energy called anger? There are two aspects to it: past accumulated anger, and present anger. The latter is often the triggering of the former. So it is important to remove past accumulated anger. Since the ancient times, many people have known how to release this in a non-destructive manner. It is done this way.
When you think of a person or event that had caused you anger before, you will notice this surge of energy within you. Your heartbeat may become faster, your chest may feel heavy (like a ball or a flat board), or you may feel pressure in your head. When you feel these, go into deep abdominal breathing (about 5 seconds breathing in, and 6 seconds breathing out). When you breathe in, feel the pressure on your chest or head or any other uncomfortable sensation that you may feel. When you breathe out, feel or be aware of your arms and legs. Do not try to remove or push away the discomfort. Just feel it. You will notice that the energy begins to flow by itself and then you may feel tingling sensations or numbness on your fingers or feet. This means it is now releasing. It may take 5 minutes or 30 minutes to release this fully, depending upon the situation. While doing the deep breathing, do not think of the person or event anymore. Just be aware of your bodily sensations, until the entire discomfort disappears. This brings you back to a restful or relaxed state after it is released. You may feel sleepy or tired after you have released it, then just rest. You can repeat this exercise until you don’t feel any uncomfortable reaction anymore when you think of the person or event.